The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Musician (And What to Do About It)
by Michael Podell
“I just want someone to say to me, ‘I’ll always be there when you wake.’” - Blind Melon
Being an artist can be lonely. That’s true no matter what kind of artist you are, but is even more true when your art is rooted in real-time relationships with an audience. It can be lonely even when things are technically going well. You’re booking shows, putting out music, getting some traction. No matter how well things look like they’re going from an outside perspective, it can still feel like you’re on your own.
If that sounds familiar, you’re in good company. Choosing to pursue art to the degree that it takes you away from what some might call “normal life” means the people you love might be scattered across time zones. Even though it’s a shared reality for a lot of artists, many feel like they can’t talk about that loneliness.
When your work comes from a personal place, ignoring the hard stuff starts to feel like you’re cutting off part of yourself. For a lot of people, being (or at least being reflected in) your art is kind of the whole point. So when you’re hurting or doubting or just feeling weirdly far away from everything, pretending you’re fine gets exhausting.
Some people deal with that feeling by writing more. Some turn the feeling of isolation into fuel. Others go the opposite direction and get to work on figuring out how to build real community, even if they’re living out of a suitcase. There isn’t one right answer. But there are people who’ve walked this path and found ways to carry that feeling with a little more ease.
Let’s look at a few.
Nick Cave: Connected Starting With Honesty
Nick Cave is known for his deep, emotional music. But he’s also known for something else– writing back.
He started The Red Hand Files, where fans could write him letters about anything. And he’d write back, publicly, like a human talking to another human. No marketing, no press, just real conversation.
Over time, it created a community. People began to feel like they knew him, not just as an artist, but as a person. All because he was willing to show up and connect without needing it to be flashy.
What this reminds us: You don’t need a massive following or a perfect strategy to build meaningful connections. You just need a space where you’re willing to be real. That could be a newsletter, a group chat, a podcast, or a personal update you send out every month. People remember when you make it personal.
What to take from this: You don’t need a huge platform to start something meaningful. You can make a newsletter, a note-sharing club, a place where you talk to people in a real way. Start with the people who are already paying attention. They’ll appreciate it more than you think.
Joni Mitchell: Let the Art Reflect the Journey
Joni Mitchell’s songs feel like stories because they are stories. She spent years moving from place to place, writing from hotels, airports, and borrowed apartments. Instead of hiding the wandering, she turned it into lyrics and melodies that have lasted generations.
She didn’t wait until she felt grounded to start writing. She used the music to help get grounded.
What this reminds us: Your current experience is worth documenting, no matter how messy or uncertain it feels. You don’t have to wait for clarity to create something honest.
What to take from this: Keep a notebook. Start a song even if you don’t know where it’s going. Use your music to name what’s real right now. The process might become the thing that brings you back to yourself.
Phoebe Bridgers: Found People Who Get It
Phoebe Bridgers could have stayed a solo act. But she chose collaboration. She formed Boygenius with Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker—not as a side project, but as a home base with people who understand the ups and downs of this work.
They tour together, write together, and genuinely support one another. It’s not just about chemistry on stage. It’s about being surrounded by people who get it, both creatively and personally.
What this reminds us: You don’t have to earn the right to lean on people. Shared experiences make the road feel less heavy.
What to take from this: Reach out to the people who feel easy to be around. Build something small with them. It could be a one-time writing session or a long-term project. Even if nothing comes from it, the connection is still valuable.
Mac Miller: Made a Space Feel Like Home
Mac Miller created a studio environment that felt more like a living room than a workspace. People didn’t just show up to record—they came to hang out, eat, and exist together. That energy made its way into the music.
He didn’t treat the work and the friendships as separate things. He treated community as part of the process.
What this reminds us: Creative spaces don’t have to be formal or fancy. What matters is how people feel when they’re there.
What to take from this: Whether it’s a home studio, a borrowed rehearsal room, or your kitchen table, invite people in. Co-write. Jam. Talk. The act of creating alongside others can remind you that you’re not in this by yourself.
Mitski: Protected Energy
Mitski has been open about stepping away from music when touring and constant performance started to take a toll on her. She didn’t quit. She paused. And when she came back, it was on her own terms, with a clearer sense of what she needed.
Her honesty helped shift the narrative around burnout in the music industry. She showed that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s strategic.
What this reminds us: It’s okay to rest. You’re not a machine. Stepping back doesn’t mean you’ve lost momentum. It means you’re making space for what’s next.
What to take from this: Pay attention to how you’re feeling. If you need a break, take one. You don’t owe anyone 24/7 availability. Your creativity will be stronger when your mind and body feel supported.
Artists Building Connection Today
A few artists today are using social media not as a performance tool, but as a way to create real connection.
Arlo Parks shares personal reflections, poems, and book recs. Her posts are thoughtful and feel like they’re coming from a real person—not a brand trying to sell you something.
Lucy Dacus posts like she’s talking to a friend. There’s humor, randomness, and zero pressure. It’s exactly the kind of presence that builds trust.
Tobe Nwigwe built a full creative ecosystem with his family at the center. His videos include his wife, kids, and friends. The content is high-quality, but the heart is what makes it stand out.
What all of these artists have in common: They didn’t wait to feel totally “together” before sharing their lives. They just started. And people connected with that.
So What Can You Do?
If you’re feeling disconnected, here are a few simple places to start:
- Start something small and consistent. A check-in text. A weekly playlist exchange. A short email update to your community.
- Be generous with your attention. Celebrate someone else’s release. Buy their merch. Show up to their gig.
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Most of all, don’t wait until you’re “doing better” to connect. Connection is part of what helps you feel better.
Some Final Thoughts
You’re not alone in feeling alone sometimes. The path you’re on may be a little off the beaten one, but it’s also filled with possibility, connection, and meaning if you know where to look. The artists we admire have all faced the same feeling and found different ways through it—by being honest, by staying open, by leaning on others, or by giving themselves the space they needed to keep going. You get to do that too. Whether you write it out, reach out, or build something that brings people closer, there’s no wrong way to reconnect. Keep making the art only you can make, and keep finding the people who make it easier to keep going. They’re out there. And chances are, they’re looking for you too.